
I can remember being called a ‘good girl’ from a very young age. An innocent remark from my parents, but I subconsciously adopted that persona in my childhood.
I didn’t realise it at the time, of course, but with the gift of hindsight and an understanding of how the mind works, I can now see that I equated being ‘good’ with receiving love and validation.
And that ‘story’ I told myself meant that as I got older, I found myself:
💁🏼♀️ Hating conflict of any kind – and instantly felt responsible for other people’s feelings/moods
💁🏼♀️ Hating making mistakes – perfectionism is the path for ‘good girls’
💁🏼♀️ Internally crumbling under any form of criticism (but would never show it, of course, mustn’t make others feel uncomfortable!)
💁🏼♀️ Becoming a people-pleaser, finding it hard to say no and always putting other people’s needs before my own
💁🏼♀️ Feeling the pressure to constantly ‘achieve’, to validate my worthiness at work, but always feeling like an imposter
💁🏼♀️ Seeking external validation (and always worrying what other people thought)
💁🏼♀️ Losing sight of who I was, because I was always adapting to those around me
Living up to the impossible ‘good girl’ expectations I had set myself was EXHAUSTING!
And once I’d had kids, the cracks began to show. Motherhood is amazing but relentless and now that I no longer had the time or energy to adhere to my self-conditioned expectations, I felt overwhelmed and lost.
Cue A LOT of self-discovery and inner-work later, I managed to shed some of the good-girl tendencies. Don’t get me wrong, I still dislike conflict, I still sometimes have the urge to seek external validation and I still have moments where I doubt myself.
But I now know what to do to build my self-confidence and resist the good-girl urges. It’s been hard work, but it’s liberating to finally be free!
Are you a good girl? How does it show up in your life?